What is Attachment?
What is Attachment?
By Ali Chacalias, MC. Registered Psychologist
You may have heard of this concept but not fully understood what is meant by attachment, attachment theory, or attachment patterns. As a Psychologist with specialized training in attachment theory, I will share my knowledge that comes from training and research from experts in the field, such as Diane Poole Heller, Amir Levine, and Dr. Maureen Gallagher.
Attachment theory is a psychological concept developed in the 1950s by John Bowlby and enhanced by Mary Ainsworth that describes our relationship with others. Simply put, attachment is our biological drive to connect. We are all born with this innate drive to connect; however, the responsiveness of our primary caregivers as a child impacts how this drive develops into one of four adult attachment styles (Poole Heller, 2019).
Our attachment style, also known as our attachment pattern, is an essential piece of information to be aware of since it directly impacts how we relate and connect with others. It affects our sense of security, safety, trust, and receptivity in relationships. Our attachment style also impacts how we relate to ourselves. If you are one of those people who has a strong inner critic or a sense of disconnection with yourself, this can typically be tied back to your attachment style and potential attachment wounds from earlier in your life.
Attachment Styles: Secure, Avoidant, Ambivalent, and Disorganized
So what are the different attachment styles? Research suggests that if we were raised by a reasonably available caregiver who was attentive to our needs and created a sense of safety and support, we tend to develop what is called a Secure attachment pattern into adulthood. In short, this is the most desired attachment style since it is characterized by a sense of trust, availability, a capacity for both closeness and independence, and the ability to give and receive love. Research suggests that just over 50% of individuals are securely attached as adults (Poole Heller, 2019).
This leaves the other 50% as insecurely attached or having insecure attachment tendencies. Insecure attachment patterns arise when we are raised by a caregiver who cannot adequately attend to our needs. This type of caregiver may have been unavailable in the ways that we needed them as an infant or child. Insecure attachment tendencies can also arise out of unstable relationships later in life. Insecure attachment is categorized in one of three ways: avoidant, ambivalent, or disorganized.
Avoidant (also known as dismissive) attachment in adults is an insecure attachment adaptation to be overly independent and, at times, more calm and comfortable on their own than in a close relationship. These individuals are often withdrawn and reluctant to invest emotionally in a relationship. In short, intimate relationships are not these folks' strong suit.
Ambivalent (also known as anxious or preoccupied) attachment tends to manifest as an over-focusing on relationships with others. These individuals seek out relationships and closeness; however, they often worry about rejection or abandonment. Personal boundaries and an overdependence on your partner are sometimes difficult for anxiously attached individuals.
Lastly, Disorganized (also known as fearful-avoidant) attachment describes an individual who is, simply put – confused. These individuals tend to both desire and fear closeness and intimate connections, which creates confusion and distress when it comes to relationships for these individuals.
An important aspect to note about insecure attachment patterns is that the traits in these attachment patterns are not all inherently bad or negative. Aspects of these tendencies can be adaptive when they are not interfering with what you fully want out of a relationship (balance, connection, trust, and security).
You May Now Know Your Attachment Style, Now What?
Now that you have learned a little more about the different attachment styles, you may have an idea of the style that best describes you. You may also find that you identify with features of multiple attachment patterns – we don't all fit into one specific style for the duration of our lives. It is important to note that our attachment pattern can change for the better – to become more secure – or unfortunately, we can also become more insecure if we experience traumatic life events or unhealthy relationships throughout our lives.
Fortunately, by seeking out attachment-based resources (see the book recommendations below) and using the support of therapy, we can understand and heal insecure attachment patterns and recreate the secure attachment tendencies that we were biologically designed to embody. Some of the best attachment researchers suggest that learning to recreate secure attachment patterns is more than possible with the right supports, tools, connections, and conditions.
Seeking out a therapist or psychologist who specializes in attachment theory can be extremely helpful when trying to repair your ability to connect with yourself and others. Changing our attachment style is absolutely possible, but it does not happen overnight. In my work with clients, I seek to support them in discovering their attachment patterns, healing insecure attachment wounds, creating the possibility for secure attachment relationships to form, and improving their relationships with themselves and others.
Learn More About Your Attachment Style
Want to learn more about your attachment style? Take Diane Poole Heller’s Adult Attachment Style quiz: https://dianepooleheller.com/attachment-styles/#
Book Recommendations on Attachment
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – And Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
The Power of Attachment: How To Create Deep and Long Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller
Disclaimer:
Please note the content included in all blog posts are for educational/informational purposes only. They are not meant to replace mental health support or treatment. They are not meant as psychological advice.
Sources:
Levine, A & Heller, R. (2012). Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find and keep love. TarcherPerigee.
Poole Heller, D. (2019). The power of attachment: How to create deep and long-lasting intimate relationships. Sound True.
Ognibene, T. C., & Collins, N. L. (1998). Adult Attachment Styles, Perceived Social Support and Coping Strategies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(3), 323–345. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407598153002